Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Hour-and-a-half-glass figures

Here's the breaking news -- men find women with the classic hourglass figure very attractive.

And we wouldn't have known it, if not for a Harvard University study that, in May, proved it conclusively.

What the researchers did, they took the measurements of 119 Polish women aged between 24-37, and then checked the hormone levels in their saliva. And they found that women with small waists and big breasts had significantly higher levels of two hormones associated with fertility.

These levels were in fact so much higher, that the women were three times more likely to get pregnant than women with other body types.

From which finding, came this conclusion -- in course of human evolution, men pursued women with curvy bodies because they knew, instinctively, that such women were more likely to have babies. The men passed this taste in women over to their children, as part of the genetic imprint, till we have reached a stage where men insinctively seek out curvy women without thinking why.

So now you know -- it ain't just plain old aesthetic sense, coupled with a healthy dose of lust; there is a genetic reason we guys seek out 36-24-36!

What beats me is this -- who in heck actually throws good money into such research? Seems like a fun way of earning a living --so much so, I am planning some research of my own.

Empirical evidence (in other words, some healthy ogling) tells me that there is a direct, distinct, quantifiable coordination between mercury levels and hemlines. For instance, today in NYC it is 90 degrees in the shade -- and on the roads, women are wearing skirts with nine inch hemlines.

90 degrees -- 9 inches. Don't tell me that's coincidence -- there has to be hard, scientific reasons for why. So I will -- purely in the interests of advancing man's scientific knowledge -- now attempt to find out why. No further posts here, for the next couple of days -- I'm going to be busy with a temperature gauge, and tape, measuring women's hemlines.

Science Rules! How else do you get to do stuff you would normally get slapped for?

Monday, June 07, 2004

Dial *&#@%%$#$

While waiting for the 'walk' sign at the corner of 24th and 6th, this morning, I overheard this overheated chap yelling into his mobile -- 'What the *&#^%#%% do I have to dial to talk to a real live human being?'


Automated phone answering systems are getting to be increasingly unfunny -- ask Gloria Wicker, of New Mexico. Some while ago, Wicker received a letter from her bank, informing her she was dead. So she furiously dialled the bank number, and got angrier when she hooked on to an automated answering service that went 'Dial 1 new accounts... Dial 2 for existing accounts...' and so on.


Lots of options -- and options within options; but no option that went 'Dial X if you have been declared dead and your bank account has been frozen'. Wicker got so agitated trying to talk to a real person she developed an acute pain in the chest, and had to be rushed to hospital.


Robin Williams, in his live show at the Madison Square Garden a while ago, did a brilliant take on this. It's gotten so bad, he said, even confession has gotten automated. As in, 'For cardinal sins, dial 1... for venial sins, dial 2... if you have lusted after your neighbor's wife, dial 9...'


Wouldn't you rather dial a number and hear the voice of Megan from Arizona, even if she is really Meghna from Andheri?